i'm angry
I don't remember who I've told this, so here we go.
I talked with Josh last week about making music together. Namely, that I'm done wasting my time, fucking around is over, and that if he isn't serious about finishing songs, recording them and playing shows I'm not interested. Of course he completely agreed with me.
Last summer there was musical problem between us over control of the direction we were taking. He wanted songs to get bigger and bigger (20 chords was not enough, 3 time changes in one song, etc) and I wanted to finish something, anything. Also, I had difficulty swallowing his writing parts for me. Something about that galled me enough to basically refuse. So he wandered off and played with other, more malleable people for two or three months and wouldn't call me to practice anymore. That was hurtful at the time, but I got over it.
Recently, I had a change of heart. I told Josh that I'd play anything to play out shows. If he had a part for me and it would finish a song, fine. I'll play it. I decided to not argue with his musical direction. Atonal droning for several minutes fiddling with knobs and buttons on your guitar pedals as part of a song? Fine. Just finish something.
Well, it didn't change much. Josh still was too busy doing other things. We would make plans, he would break them. Or we'd get together and he would spend the whole time doing other things: running errands, talking with neighbors, or some other project. The things he would do instead were always reasonable. The excuses he had for why he didn't call me back were sane. But the time I would set aside for him was still wasted. I can only take so much of delays, excuses, and well-intentioned distractions. He came down to Columbus in November 2003 and we haven't finished a single song in 17+ months. That's more than a coincidence or bad timing. That's a pervasive trend.
So that's why I spoke with him last week about it. Even though he's burned me countless times I wanted to give him fair warning about how I was willing to walk away from it if it happened again. So I called him twice since then to make music. Twice he was supposed to call me back and didn't. I let it slide. Last night we made plans for music today. He picks me up and I find out his building is having a barbeque and he's in charge of it tonight. Fine. We'll record something afterward. When it's done we go to his apartment.
The band that plays in the apartment above his EVERY Wednesday and Friday is too loud to hear over. The band Josh dropped out of a few months ago. The band that sounds great. The band I wish I were in because they get stuff done and have their shit together. That's it. I ask Josh to take me home. I'm tired of wasting my time and I tell him so. He has tons of 'reasons' why everything is cool and I'm overreacting. But 2 years of off-and-on screwing around with nothing to show for it permeates every word of his and I can't hear him.
I told him that if he finishes recording some songs I'd love to play them with him. That I love to hang out with him but no more music. No more insulting disappointment. It's clear he is angry and upset with me. I too am angry and upset with myself for avoiding for so long what obviously needed to happen.
I talked with Josh last week about making music together. Namely, that I'm done wasting my time, fucking around is over, and that if he isn't serious about finishing songs, recording them and playing shows I'm not interested. Of course he completely agreed with me.
Last summer there was musical problem between us over control of the direction we were taking. He wanted songs to get bigger and bigger (20 chords was not enough, 3 time changes in one song, etc) and I wanted to finish something, anything. Also, I had difficulty swallowing his writing parts for me. Something about that galled me enough to basically refuse. So he wandered off and played with other, more malleable people for two or three months and wouldn't call me to practice anymore. That was hurtful at the time, but I got over it.
Recently, I had a change of heart. I told Josh that I'd play anything to play out shows. If he had a part for me and it would finish a song, fine. I'll play it. I decided to not argue with his musical direction. Atonal droning for several minutes fiddling with knobs and buttons on your guitar pedals as part of a song? Fine. Just finish something.
Well, it didn't change much. Josh still was too busy doing other things. We would make plans, he would break them. Or we'd get together and he would spend the whole time doing other things: running errands, talking with neighbors, or some other project. The things he would do instead were always reasonable. The excuses he had for why he didn't call me back were sane. But the time I would set aside for him was still wasted. I can only take so much of delays, excuses, and well-intentioned distractions. He came down to Columbus in November 2003 and we haven't finished a single song in 17+ months. That's more than a coincidence or bad timing. That's a pervasive trend.
So that's why I spoke with him last week about it. Even though he's burned me countless times I wanted to give him fair warning about how I was willing to walk away from it if it happened again. So I called him twice since then to make music. Twice he was supposed to call me back and didn't. I let it slide. Last night we made plans for music today. He picks me up and I find out his building is having a barbeque and he's in charge of it tonight. Fine. We'll record something afterward. When it's done we go to his apartment.
The band that plays in the apartment above his EVERY Wednesday and Friday is too loud to hear over. The band Josh dropped out of a few months ago. The band that sounds great. The band I wish I were in because they get stuff done and have their shit together. That's it. I ask Josh to take me home. I'm tired of wasting my time and I tell him so. He has tons of 'reasons' why everything is cool and I'm overreacting. But 2 years of off-and-on screwing around with nothing to show for it permeates every word of his and I can't hear him.
I told him that if he finishes recording some songs I'd love to play them with him. That I love to hang out with him but no more music. No more insulting disappointment. It's clear he is angry and upset with me. I too am angry and upset with myself for avoiding for so long what obviously needed to happen.
posted by Landon at 8:56 PM
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