It will lie for you, and it will never stop
from
REFRESHINGLY HONEST
CRATE AND BARREL
CATALOG DESCRIPTIONS.
BY KYLE KILLEN on
McSweeney's
Spiral Carved Bowl
$89.95
Freeform lines and top-notch craftsmanship combine to bring you this hypnotizing item that will not only fill that empty space on the table but the one in your life, too. That's right, you probably didn't realize how unfulfilled you were until you saw this catalog and realized that your problem is not that you hate your job and are dissatisfied with your familial situation—it's just that your shit doesn't match! You just need a cohesive design scheme! What you need is this motherfucking bowl! This bowl is going to love you like your parents couldn't, like your wife no longer does, and like those ungrateful hooligans who sprang from your loins never will. This bowl doesn't want anything from you except $90, and in return it will sit on your table and it will tell people that you are not a failure who spends weekends watching E! True Hollywood Story and drinking wine from a Gatorade bottle. It will say that you have a worldly appeal and an international pedigree! It will scream that you are sophisticated and wise! It will lie for you, and it will never stop, and probably that will go a long way toward making you whole again. Isn't that worth 90 measly dollars, you cheap bastard?
Hand wash. Black stain. Food-safe.
Off to watch the Black Dahlia this afternoon and think about Martin's axiom.
REFRESHINGLY HONEST
CRATE AND BARREL
CATALOG DESCRIPTIONS.
BY KYLE KILLEN on
McSweeney's
Spiral Carved Bowl
$89.95
Freeform lines and top-notch craftsmanship combine to bring you this hypnotizing item that will not only fill that empty space on the table but the one in your life, too. That's right, you probably didn't realize how unfulfilled you were until you saw this catalog and realized that your problem is not that you hate your job and are dissatisfied with your familial situation—it's just that your shit doesn't match! You just need a cohesive design scheme! What you need is this motherfucking bowl! This bowl is going to love you like your parents couldn't, like your wife no longer does, and like those ungrateful hooligans who sprang from your loins never will. This bowl doesn't want anything from you except $90, and in return it will sit on your table and it will tell people that you are not a failure who spends weekends watching E! True Hollywood Story and drinking wine from a Gatorade bottle. It will say that you have a worldly appeal and an international pedigree! It will scream that you are sophisticated and wise! It will lie for you, and it will never stop, and probably that will go a long way toward making you whole again. Isn't that worth 90 measly dollars, you cheap bastard?
Hand wash. Black stain. Food-safe.
Off to watch the Black Dahlia this afternoon and think about Martin's axiom.
posted by Landon at 12:38 PM
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